Certified Insanity
by nyislandersgirl
Summary: After the birth of their first child, May eagerly volunteers to fill out the birth certificate for her and Drew's son. Unfortunately, May's excitement and failure to proofread leads to a slight problem with the paperwork.


**Hello friends! How are you this evening? Good, I hope!**

**I've had a few requests to start a contestshipping versions of my Family Matters collection, and I think that's an awesome idea! But for now, I think it's a good idea to start with a single one shot. And my contestshipping muse has really kicked in lately thanks to Tumblr. So, let's give this pairing some love, shall we?**

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**Certified Insanity **

"_I_ want to be the one to fill out the birth certificate!"

"May, are you sure?"

"Of course I am! Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, aren't you tired?"

"Yeah, but this is just filling out a little piece of paper! That's gonna take no energy at all!"

"If you insist…"

Drew watched with wary emerald eyes as the cheerful nurse walked over to the hospital bed and handed May a clipboard with a very official looking form attached to it.

"Now, you just fill out all of those spaces, and we'll be set!" The nurse informed a giddy, though still tired, May.

"Great!" May trilled, taking the ballpoint pen from the same nurse.

As the woman walked out, Drew turned his worrisome face back towards May, watching as his wife stuck just the tip of her tongue out of the corner of her mouth and began to write on the sheet of paper.

"Let's see…" May hummed, "the applicant's name…May-"

"No, that's not your name!" Drew cried, running over to the side of the bed and trying to take the clipboard from May. She was having none of it, however, and instead lifted the paper away from her husband, holding it out of his grasp.

"How am I not the applicant?" May demanded. "I'm the one filling this thing out!"

"The applicant is the _baby_," Drew sighed, shaking his head. "You have to put our _son's_ name. Not yours. You're the _mother._"

"Alright, alright, I got it," May replied huffily.

"I don't know if you do," Drew muttered.

"I do!" May argued. "Now, let me finish."

"You haven't even started!" Drew cried.

"Details, details."

Drew smacked his forehead, slowly running his hand down his face before picking his head up in order to see May touching the tip of the pen to the paper. She stopped after a short moment, however, and simply froze in place.

"What now?" Drew breathed.

"Uh…we _did_ agree on his name, didn't we?" May asked hesitantly.

"May, you've asked me this question about twenty times," Drew informed her, trying not to laugh. "Yes."

"And…remind me what it is again?"

"May!"

"I'm sorry!" May shrieked. "I just want to make sure I get it right!"

Drew smirked and shook his head once again, but this time, it was more out of playful mystification than actual frustration. "Damien Noah Hayden."

May beamed and nodded, writing the now official name down on the paper before her. "And he was born on October 6th at…at what time?"

"3:37 PM," Drew recited. He already had the time memorized in his head.

"You'd better not make fun of me for not knowing that," May muttered, writing time down beside her son's birth date.

"Now why would I do something like that?" Drew inquired, only half hypothetically. "I'm fully aware of how hard the whole birthing thing was on you. I'm not gonna blame you for not knowing the exact time. You were kind of busy, right?"

"Kind of?!" May fumed, her whole face turning red.

"Oh, turn your hormones on later," Drew dismissed, though he was still offering his wife a gentle smile. "Finish filling out the birth certificate first."

Huffing, May moved down to the next line on the application. "Let's see…he's a boy…he was born in Petalburg City…I'm his mother, and you're his father…"

"Very good," Drew snickered, earning another frightening growl from the woman in the bed.

"I don't appreciate your sass at the moment!" May hissed.

"Sass? What sass?" Drew coolly replied. "I'm just being myself."

"Case in point," May bit, arching her eyebrow as she continued to fill out the form. "I was born in Petalburg City, too, and you were born in LaRousse City. Right?"

"Correct," Drew hummed.

"I'm 20, and you're 20," May finished, writing down those last two numbers before signing her name off as the okay to send in the form. "Done!"

"Don't you want to double check it?" Drew asked cautiously.

"Why would I need to do that?" May giggled. "Damien is my son! I know _exactly_ what I'm doing. His birth certificate is as perfect as he is!"

"Right…"

"Besides, all I had to do was fill out a form. It was so easy a Mankey could do it!"

"If you say so," Drew sighed, his shoulders sagging. He loved May, but she was a little hasty, and he couldn't help but to be a little fearful. "Can I double check it?"

"No!" May cried. "What, you don't trust me?"

"I do! But-"

"So you don't need to see it again."

"I-oh, fine."

Drew wasn't happy giving in just like that, but he knew there was no use fighting May. Besides, he didn't want to rile her up in her condition. It would only lead to more trouble. Drew figured that he should just let things be.

It was a little concerning, but all he could do was hope that May had been mindful of her penmanship.

**XXX**

"Drew! Drew! Look!"

The male coordinator didn't have to look too hard, for a big yellow envelope was being shoved right in his face, held in the delicate hands of his clearly excited wife.

"Yeah, I see it," Drew grumbled, pushing the envelope away from his face. "What's in it?"

"Damien's birth certificate, silly!" May giggled. "It finally came!"

"Oh, that makes sense," Drew breathed, crossing his arms against his chest.

"Wanna see it?" May trilled.

"Of course!" Drew chuckled.

Opening up the envelope, May pulled out the certificate and handed it over to Drew with a big smile on her face. Drew couldn't help but to return the action, taking the piece of official paper from his wife. Holding it in both hands, Drew carefully studied the certificate with his bright, excited eyes. Upon reading the first line, however, Drew's smile faded, and his entire face paled.

"May…"

"Isn't it amazing?" May sighed dreamily.

"No, May…"

"You're right, it's _better_ than amazing!" May giggled. "It's _perfect!_ Perfectly wonderful, and brilliant, and-"

"MAY!"

"Hmm? You don't have to shout, Drew. I'm right here."

"Yeah, and you're not listening to me!" Drew cried, furrowing his brow. "There's a problem with the birth certificate."

"What do you mean there's a problem?" May demanded, her heart racing.

"Look," Drew sighed, holding the certificate out and pointing at the first line: where their son's name was printed.

"Drew, I don't see a problem," May grumbled. "It says 'Damien Noah Hayden.' That's what we named him! We agreed!"

"May, look _closer._"

Squinting her sapphire eyes, May leaned in closer to the certificate and read her son's name over, and over, and over again. She couldn't, for the life of her, see what Drew had been alluding to. It was just their son's name! Damin N-

Wait.

"W…wha…"

May snatched the paper from her husband's hands and held it a bit further away from her face, still staring at the first line of the certificate. The more she stared at it, the more her eyebrow began to twitch…and the less she could find her voice. Finally getting fed up, Drew snatched the certificate out of her hands and held it at his side, hands clenching in frustration.

"His first name is spelt _wrong_, May!"

"I…I know!" May cried, her eyes wide with horror. "Who in the _world_ did that?"

"You!" Drew exploded, his eyes burning like emerald fire.

"Me?!" May repeated, sounding completely offended.

"May, _you're_ the one that filled out the information for the birth certificate," Drew groaned. "So _you're_ the one who spelt Damien's name wrong!"

"That's impossible!" May blurted. "I know our son's name! We talked about how we wanted to spell it! D-A-M-I-E-N. Damien!"

"Well, that's not what his birth certificate says," Drew hummed, once again looking at the paper. "It says his name is spelt D-A-M-I-N."

"That doesn't even spell out Damien!" May wailed.

"No. No it doesn't."

"What do we do?!" May wailed, her eyes welling with tears. "He can't go through life with a name like that! It sounds _and_ looks so ridiculous! My parents are going to think we're crazy, and _your_ parents are probably going to shun us! He'll get teased by the other kids as soon as he starts school, and that means no friends, no girlfriend, no wife, and no grandchildren!"

Drew simply blinked at his wife's mini meltdown. "Is that _seriously_ what you've gotten out of this?"

"I have to think about his future!"

At this, Drew smirked and shook his head. "May, relax. It'll be fine."

"How?!"

"We can fix it."

"No we can't! I screwed up!"

"You did," Drew admitted, earning a glare from his wife. Smiling in response, he stepped forward and pulled her head down, ruffling her brunette hair before leaving a kiss atop her head. "But it's a screw up that can _actually_ be fixed."

May's brow furrowed even deeper. "You mean I've made screw ups that can't be fixed?"

"Of course."

Picking her head up, May shook Drew off and scowled at him. "I don't think this is funny!"

"It's not," Drew ironically assured her through a chuckle. "But it can be fixed, so don't get so worked up. I'm not going to let our son go through life with a name like 'Damin.'"

May smiled softly and took a step forward, wrapping her arms around Drew's shoulders and resting her head atop his right one. "Drew?"

"Yes?"

"When we fix it, can you write his name this time?"

"Trust me, May. I will never allow you to write the application for any important paperwork ever again."

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**Basically, I went out to dinner with my friends tonight, and one of them was talking about how her boyfriend's mom filled out his birth certificate wrong, so technically his legal name is incorrect. I thought that was pretty funny, and at the same time (because I seriously have a one track mind) thought "that kind of sounds like something May would do." So...I went with it. Hopefully I kept everyone in character! Let me know :P**


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